LOSING POOKIE

When my 17 year-old BLOND Niece and Goddaughter was 3,

her Mother and I took her to the Galleria Mall,

in Middletown, New York. 

 As I recall, the only specific purpose to this shopping junket was to get Aunt Sue up on her feet, but a day for “the girls”

was right up my alley.

The previous year, I had been creamed

in a massive car accident and

didn’t get out very much. 

I wore an attractive, 

hard-shell back brace

 whenever activities such as STANDING, WALKING & BREATHING,

were required or simply, desired.

It just to give me a little extra support when

I would be downright....upright.

Now, please know that

I can spend money, with the best of them,

but I am not a “group shopper.”

Never have been, never will be.

I’m weird enough on an expedition to find whatever I’m after…

I don’t need witnesses taking notes on my eccentricities...

But a day with my Sister-in-Law &

 my Blond Love...

I just couldn’t turn down.

We’d walk around,

get some pizza for Blondie &

take her to see the puppies in the pet store.

This kid was funny as hell,

from her baby days.

She had a belly laugh

 that could rival Santa's &

 leave him feeling utterly inept.

She just simply cracked me up,

while melting my heart.

So. I’m along for the ride.

I am the Aunt.

 I am the GodMother. 

I AM NOT HER MOTHER.

She did not arrive in

MY CAR SEAT. 

 Just establishing the guardianship issue,

before I go any further. 

Somewhere between some lame
 educational store

 & some crappy earring joint,

 my S.I.L. says,

“Where’s Theresa?”

“Whhhhaaaattttdidyousay?”  
 YOUR three-year old
is missing from your view &

 you’re asking me?

I didn’t have her.

You could hear the simultaneous thuds of both our hearts, hitting the acid in our stomachs,

at precisely the same time.

 “She was with you, Eileen!”
 “No, Susan…
she WENT with you!”

WENT WITH ME???

Did I know about it?

 She’s three years old...

Did she step outside for a smoke???

In my hard-shell back brace,
I tore through that mall,
probably at a turtle’s pace,

 but with the testosterone of Shrek...

 crying, yelling & calling out her name.

Oh my God.
We lost my Niece.
How do you explain this?

 I darted in and out of every store,
every step of the way.

I returned to the lame educational joint

and there was my blond bombshell,
sitting on the counter,
giving explicit details to the security guard,

 about who she was &
 EXACTLY who lost her today.

I garnered a little attitude...

a slight edge to her,

as if she was cognitively aware
that this was not a good thing...
her cuteness being “misplaced” in the mall.

Just as I reached for her,

her Mother came barreling into the store &

reached for her, as well.

We were both crying all over her,
hugging her & kissing her

(mostly her lower end)

& telling her how happy we were
that she was here…

right where we left her!

We collected our guilty selves &

headed for the food court.

This kid was presented with the works…

anything she asked for, she  f’ing got.

You got that right.

We were deep into reprogramming her

little big mouth,

with food & toys & jewelry

from the crappy jewelry joint.

She was so happy that we were

 monstrous caretakers!

"Gosh, I hope we can come back next week & they screw up again!"

 she MUST have been thinking.

As we stuffed pizza and soda into her little body,

we used the Pavlovian doggy thing

to test how safe we were going to be,

 when Blondie saw her Daddy.

We drilled this kid’s brain,

until we could see into it….

...reviewing how silly of a day this was &

it was NO BIG DEAL!!!

We were just testing her, to see if she could actually remember her name and address, like Mommy had been working with her! That’s all!

It was a little game!

We told her how wonderful she was, how she waited in the SAME SPOT for us to come and find her!!!

She’s smiling and all proud as punch, listening to all of these compliments about her ability to listen, as well as her young survival skills.

As we strapped her into her car seat,

we stared into her baby blues and said,

“Now Theresa.

What are we going to say to Daddy

when we get home??”

“Oh, Daddy!  Mommy &
Aunt Sue took me to the mall...

...and I had pizza

& I got expensive earrings...

& I had the best day ever!!!!”

Yes, my little love, yes. Good girl.

You listen so well. So proud of you!!!

On the 40-minute ride back to New Windsor,

we would occasionally throw her a pop quiz & check in on her recollection and retention skills.

  F'ing Verbatim.

This kid was amazing! She repeated it like one of those freaky babies in the InfoMercial for

 “Your Baby CAN Read.”

She was spot-on.

Eileen and I were feeling a little giddy,

a little tickled

that although we sucked as adults,

it looked like we would, after all,

escape painful deaths by a pissed-off

Husband/Brother/Marine/Cop. 

When we arrived back at the ranch,

 I gave Blondie a million kisses in the driveway, & then hauled it the hell out of dodge, before my psychotic brother got home.

Unfortunately, I had to be back in

New Windsor the next day.

I felt that it was just bad juju

for Susi to return so soon.

I walked into the house and Eileen, 

with a wicked, sarcastic tone announces:

 “Retention skills of a Rhodes Scholar, eh?”

 When Mike was sleeping at 5:30am,

he woke up,

to a feeling that he was being watched.

He opened his eye,

to see his beloved,

tow-headed daughter in her

little t-shirt & Barbie undies,

about an 1/8 of an inch away from his face... patiently waiting for him to wake up.

“Aunt Sue & Mommy

LOST me

at the mall yesterday.

And then they made me sick,

making me eat too much pizza, Daddy.”

When my brother saw me, he gave me his famous Bruce Willis smirk

and said, “Nice going, Aunt Sue,”

 with Theresa following close behind him,

pulling on her brand-new

 bracelet & necklace set,

with an evil flicker in her little blue eyes.

                

Aunt ~SusiTheJ~