Thursday, November 10, 2011

I Gave My Love A Chicken





I am all for innovative products
 that aim to save the planet.


However, I am not for
innovative products,
that haven’t been
properly thought through.







When the Scott Paper Company




 

rolled out their
TV ad campaign for the first

“Roll-less roll”
(it's actually phrased as a "Tube-Free roll",
but that has no written cadence for me.)

my first thoughts were
of marketing genius &
 a real American kind of 
Greener than Green
“go get ‘em.”


All the little empty cardboard tubes
 gather together & go rolling out
the front doors of their captors.
  

They roll on down to the landfill,
to demonstrate where they will end up,
 if someone doesn’t show some chutzpah &
come up with an answer.






I couldn’t come up with the clip
of the actual commercial,
but the following CNN piece
is sort of cute & funny,
mostly because of
the guy that admitted
he made a BONG out of an empty roll.


Watch it all

...or not.

It’s not my personal work.
I won’t be insulted.

http://youtu.be/e9H3WjOk6go

Then there is a piece from

that I found on YouTube:

that is pretty funny.


According to Kimberly Clark,



17 BAZILLION




(OKAY, IT’S ONLY 17 BILLION)

cardboard toilet paper tubes
 are produced every year in the U.S.


Crikey. 




So, we can agree to agree
the Scott Paper Company
apparently had to hire a gaggle







of employees to remove all of those
dreadful cardboard landfillers...
(Hence, whacking you
for an extra buck fifty at A&P.)


The only problem that I can see
is what the consumer is left with,
as the roll diminishes.







Now, EXCEPT for good quality….

I don’t really give a second thought
to any of the aspects of the
Mother of all Necessities.








You need it,
you get it &
hopefully it’s still there...

when you need it.



Basically, end of story.



 My only proclivity is the
DIRECTION
from which it is dispensed.



If I go to your house,
and it’s coming at me
 INCORRECTLY,






I WILL change it.




Count on it.




This is right in line
with my peeviness
with our bank...which I adore,
EXCEPT for their unbelievably
 egregious practice of
not putting cash in the
same damned direction.



Some are correct...





some are backward...






some are upside-down...







AND


some are backward 


&

upside-down.



 


It screws me up.





Now I can count cash,
like nobody's business,







but I can't count cash
that's not in perfect,
continuous order.

How's that for scary???


I start counting a pack of 20's.


One little bill is out of whack &
I've lost count,
because I'm too busy verklempting
about how sloppy this is,
FOR A BANK!!!


I'd be a little more lenient on say,
a Bookie....



I liken it to taking your brand-new baby
home from the hospital &
 the morons put the diaper on his head.







Soooooo…
(I’m working on my habit of digressing.)







The only other thing
you might notice
 if you come to our house...


The next available "square",
folded into something pretty.















Just f’ing with you….




All you’ll get is a pretty point.





 



It is such a lovely discovery &
it freaks the hell out of people,
when they’re not in a hotel and
 they find this waiting for them.


Or we can hear them say,
 "Oooohhh!!"



Soooooo…
(I’m still working on my habit of digressing.)





Back to the problem with this
new-fangled wunderkind:



As the roll winds down,
what the consumer is left with
looks like the equivalent of


 
A Chicken
With No Bones.








Since it’s ridiculously
 important to me,
 that you're not under the impression that

” TheJ ”

just dreams this drivel up &
doesn’t back up her theories...



I am a woman of my word &
I research EVERYTHING.





 
Susi Curie




I have obtained
photographic proof,
for your consideration.


This is pitiful!
(But, please notice the
PROPER direction)




 








And sideways…..



 

This is just wrong!



All of that slack just allows for
too much room,
as the roll is whittled down…



I could house a small
Mexican family in there.






Just kidding.




I love Mexicans. 










 




Oooohhhh!!! Chimi-Banana!! 




Doesn’t appearance count,
 even at the end??







Is presentation only important
in the beginning?



This makes me feel like
someone broke in & 
went on a Christmas-crafting-rampage,

to make those stupid-ass
 candy-filled-cardboard-roll
Popper Gifts,
that they deliver to
our poor,
defenseless senior citizens,
at the holidays.








I made those things in Girl Scouts &
I thought it was creepy when I was eight.


I always referred to them as

 Pooper Gifts.



I made damn sure that I was
UNAVAILABLE









on the day that
we were scheduled
 to go to “the home” &
 dish out these disgusting delights.



I was so afraid of a 98-year-old
tripping me with a cane,
out of sheer disgust
of our holiday gift choices
 to the elderly.


It’s just not right.




The Japanese have
this aspect correct,
on the respect we should
show to our elders.






 



I bet the old folks in
a rest home in Okinawa
never get crappy gifts like this.
(pardon the crappy pun.)





 



I think they would be
 so insulted,

 that if I were a little
Japanese Girl Scout,





 


I would strip that Popper naked,
dump out the stupid hard-candy
and give them red-wax-candy lips
with a 'smoke-hole' carved out

so they could make a bong out of it…












"Washi no yō ni tobu..."








Jus’ Sayin…





~ SusiTheJ ~














































4 comments:

  1. Why, Anonymous...You are to kind!
    Thanx for giggling...TheJ

    ReplyDelete
  2. Who knew you'd read so much about marijuana. I understand TheJ part now.

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. Chadly! I never saw your comment here...I'm slow that way....Did you read ALL of my posts???

      Delete