Tuesday, October 11, 2011

Ickthyology & Duct Tape

Much to my Mother's chagrin,
I managed to marry a
card-carrying Republican,







Presbyterian Golf Pro, 





with a burning passion
 for Gettysburg






designing golf courses,





playing golf,


Golf Quest...Brookfield, CT.


...The Kennedy
Assassination
Conspiracy 





&






 Ichthyology.

(ICK-THEE-OLOGY)




Ichthyology (from Greek: χθύς, ikhthus, "fish"; and λόγος, logos, "study") is the branch of zoology devoted to the study of fish. This includes skeletal fish (Osteichthyes), cartilaginous fish (Chondrichthyes), and jawless fish (Agnatha). While a majority of species have probably been discovered and described, approximately 250 new species are officially described by science each year. According to FishBase, 31,500 species of fish had been described by January 2010.[1] There are more fish species than the combined total of all other vertebrates: mammals, amphibians, reptiles and birds.

The practice of ichthyology is associated with marine biology, limnology and fisheries science.


You're welcome....






Throughout the years,
I have heard him throw out references
about his love and knowledge
of the deep blue sea.

As a matter of fact,
when he took me to see

The Deep Blue Sea,
a week before our wedding in 1999 



(I chose Runaway Bride, but lost on a dime toss),




I fervently informed him that if ANYONE in this cockamamie movie got his head bitten off by whatever was the star of the D.B. Sea,
that I would take HIS head off...








I was a little stressed from
wedding-prep difficulties &
 needed an easy-breezy kinda flick.




I think I heard Doug
wimpering in the dark... 






when Samuel L. Jackson
got his head ripped clean off 













In 1,800 years together,
he has taken me
through 3,000 viewings of Jaws.





I think he's aware
that there were a
whole slew of them made,






























but I have
never once seen anything
but the original with him.







We watched Old Faithful
again last night.

I was being a smart-ass,
cutting up & telling him that
I had just recently reviewed
some pictures from the movie,
in research for this blog of mine.


I found a picture a few weeks ago,
that perfectly described the mood
I was in and how life was treating me.






 



Along with all of those showings of Jaws,
I also got the great tour of every 
'Air Jaws',





'Rogue Shark'





&


'Shark Girls Gone Wild'...








Most loving men
entice their women
 with the promise of
 a week in Paris...








or a week in Aruba....









I get a week in front
of the boob tube,
with Great Whites
 infiltrating my dreams
for the next seven days...


The big Magilla of them all.....




Shark Week.








After all of these years,
I've actually become
relatively knowledgable on the facts
of this predator and his cousins. 









Like the fact that the
 Great White Shark
lives for about 25 years.









A Great White Shark
can roll its eyeballs back,
which protects the
 vital front part of the eye
from being scratched.
 





In one year,
a single Great White
consumes about 11 tons of food.



That comes out to roughly
840 cute little seals.










During one of the
multitudes of viewings,
 Doug decided to spring the

"Ampullae of Lorenzini"
on me,
 just to prove once & for all if I listen
to a single word he says.




Well, of course I do.





I said, 



"Lauren Who?"















After he gave me a snarky look,
 he went on to explain.





This ampullae is basically
 the command center for Jabber Jaw...
it's a little bit radar, it's a little bit sonar &
a good dose of instinct for a meal,
all rolled into one little set of
 impulses in the shark.








Since I had a good idea of how Jaws 
was going to turn out last night,
I couldn't help but to go for the giggle.

I told him that I had single-handedly
come up with the solution
on how these

 "Beasts of the Deep"

 &
the  "Beasts of Bayonne"











could all manage
to share the ocean & not end up
like the stupid Kintner kid.







 



And while we're at it....
what the hell ever happened to

PIPPET???







His doofy owner
throws the damned stick into
shark infested waters &
 the picture below is the last we see of the

poor little fella....










Pisses me off...
every single time we watch it.

I didn't care about
the Kintner kid...
He was splashing around,
like an out-of-control  little moron &
 brought it on himself.  



 Jus' sayin...



Next thing you know,
no Pippet...

no doofy owner....


Pippet bought the farm before
 Alex Kintner did,


yet no one even noticed.

 I can't help but picture
his little Labby face,
knowing Doofy had
just turned him into






lunch at the beach...











This was the bounty poster
at the town meeting in the movie:


"A $3,000.00 Bounty To The Man Or Men
Who Catch And Kill The Shark
That Killed Alex M. Kintner
On Sunday Jun 29th on the
Amity Town Beach."








Since I personally feel
that little Alex
brought this on himself,
with all of that stupid splashing, 

 I reworked the poster:


"A $13,000.00 Bounty
To The Man Or Men
 Who Catch & Kill
The Shark That Killed 


Pippet 


On Sunday Jun 29th on the
 Amity Town Beach."





When I was little &
 my parents took us to a nice,
wholesome R-Rated Movie,



1967


Bonnie & Clyde



1971
  


1972



The Godfather, Part I
 
Guess What? NO ONE took me to see The Godfather, Part II.
What's Up With That??



I WAS BORN IN 1964...
Uh, huh.


I only cried when the
horses or dogs were killed…
never batted an eyelash when


 the humans bit the big one.  

Hhmmmm…..




Sorry, I totally wigged out
for a minute there...





Back to my solution about shark attacks:



I propose that a cover or a cap of sorts










 be developed that can be
 attached to Big Whitey,
to block out his command center.








That way, any little morons
splashing in the ocean
will not ring the dinner bell,
sending the shark swimming
from six miles away,
just to get a taste of a scrawny little kid &
   get my fat ass, instead. 

    





Doug looked at me like
I was mentally ill &
inquired how I proposed
to attach the cover to the shark.






"Duct tape," I proudly proclaimed.








He stared blankly at me,
like I had really scared him &
 said there were a few problems
with my genius idea.




With a hand in mid-air,
I cut him off mid-sentence:





"I know, I know...






I have to find








water-proof duct tape."

 

 


3M 051131980044 Duct Tape - Multi-Use - 2 Inch x 30 Yard

$3 online$7 nearby
An economical tape made with a tough polyethylene film bonded to strong polycotton blend cloth.
Good weather and moisture resistance.   That should hold it...no?
No. 1110-A: 48mm x 10 yd. No. 11
30-A: 48mm x 30 yd. No. 1160-A: 48mm x 60 yd.

"Well.

 I didn't even think of that,"
he very generously offered.



 "I was thinking you'd run into
 a bit of a struggle, trying to get
the shark to cooperate,
while you attach your little cover to


 the underside of his FACE."











“Oh.”

I guess it’s a work in progress…



Hey, Honey…

Thanx for all of the stuff you give me,
that makes me smarter.




~SusiTheJ~  
Shark Girl, Extraordinaire





  

2 comments:

  1. OMG OMG your too funny! I think your ideas are terrific! I am the shark nut in my house. I watch jaws all the time drive my family nuts!I also gety into shark week! But I like your ideas better! Once again you had me rolling on the floor!

    ReplyDelete
  2. Thanx, Anonymous....Your laughter feeds my soul.......SusiTheJ

    ReplyDelete