Swimming In A Sea Of Chick Peas..................In The Caribbean Sea

My husband has this

"feeding thing":

He feeds all

 of God's creatures,

whether they want it,

or not...

If there is a remnant,
a scrap of a
piece of bread, roll or cake

in our house,

you'll find it on
 the front lawn.

If I pull a 

science experiment

out of our refrigerator,

Dr. Doolittle swoops in

& claims it for our

 Dutchess County friends.

I watch him

tearing chunks of bread & such

& tossing it from the front steps

of our house

like he's in the park

feeding the freaking pigeons.

Tuppance, this...

Oh, they'll all come out & over

to investigate his generosity,

strewn across our

football field of a lawn...

(I HAD TO SHOW A CLASSIC, OR I'D BE TOAST..)

That doesn't mean they'd touch it

with a ten-foot pole.

Sorry, no pictures available of

Bambi pole-vaulting...

Every time he starts
doling out old food,

I like to do the commentary on it,

standing behind him.

"Hey Joe,"

one deer calls out to his friend.

"Did you see what this
heartless bastard

has dumped on us

NOW?????"

"Oh, Man!

What color is that bread?"

"Do you think he intentionally

 doesn't eat this stuff & 

WAITS until it's that color,

just so he can leave it for us?????"

"I don't know, man.

But that's f'd up...

 I ain't touching it."

After one

Halloween-Birthday bash,

where Douglas had requested

Chinese food,

as his party fare of choice,

we ended up with a tray of

three thousand extra

EGG ROLLS.

Doug was all a-twitter

to count how many were left over,

as he had a BRILLIANT PLAN...

"I shall feed the family of

RED FOXES

RED FOXX 



 living in our backyard."

"Yes."

Good Lord.

Six little innocent Red Foxes,

no doubt dead on arrival

from such a gas pain,

that you could hear them scream

Dead Foxx

as they prayed for
God to take them,
quickly.

Wait. Get the mental picture.

Cabbage, Pork, Carrots &

 WonTon Wrappers

deep-fried to golden perfection.

The level of sympathy
 that I felt

for these poor,

furry creatures &

how they died

will haunt me til the day

I DIE.

Doug took the

same approach in Aruba.

Yes. THAT Aruba.

Now, this food

wasn't past its' prime....

it was just left over.

We do some

ass-kicking

food preparation

 in our tropical kitchen.

We make a beautiful, fresh

Buffalo-Mozzarella Caprese.

Uh, Moo?

We make homemade Hummus.

And Bruscettas...And Seafood Salads.

But one of our favorites

is an ice-cold

Chick Pea Salad.

We include razor thin strips of

red onion,

fresh cilantro,

holland peppers...

& fresh garlic.

It's healthy &

it's delicious.

But it requires

having a glass of

Listerine as a chaser....

Whenever we make it,

inevitably we end up snorkeling

the very next day.

As my C.P. salad is

further marinating over-night,

Doug gets all giddy,

remembering the last time

he polluted the Caribbean Sea,

feeding Garbanzo Beans

to the innocent fishies.

Don't get me wrong.

It's an absolute hoot & a half

to have fishies of all sizes

surrounding your body

in the ocean,

waiting to see
what you brought them.

Like little puppies,

licking your face...

The giggle factor is the same.

I have tried to
persuade my beloved

to stop



f'ing up the Food Chain.

Apart from remnants of the

 aforementioned

red onion,
orange, yellow & red
Holland Peppers,
garlic & cilantro

floating about in the once
 crystal-clear Aruban water,

Chick Peas contain

roughly

10 Grams of Fiber Per Serving.

Yikes.

Roughly...


is an extremely

appropriate word.

Without the proper intake of water,

fiber in a human digestive system can

mimic spackel on dry wall.

Now picture the agony of

a six-inch fish, trying to

do away with a

half-inch legume...

Ouch, Baby...very Ouch.

I think this is a big factor

in the actual cause of a

TSUNAMI...

Hey, Doug....

Stick with feeding

 those pigeons.

~SusiTheJ~

The Fishie Whisperer