Johnny Rides An Imbecile

Growing up in the 1970's
on Heath Avenue in The Bronx,

we spent every waking moment

that wasn't eaten up by school,
homework or chores,

OUTSIDE.

We played a million different games
 on that street,

but one of my favorites, stupidly, was

"Johnny Rides a Pony."

Until I wrote this,
I didn't know if this brain-storm 
was indigenous

to our neighborhood or not:

I just know that
wherever Johnny is today,

he's one wealthy bastard & 
 it's not because

his Father was a plumber.

Johnny's brilliant,

yet sadistic Father

must have been tired
of slumming &
 gave his son

some succinct instruction:

"Make up a game, that all of the kids

will want in on,

that will render all of them 
with future back problems

and the need to see a doctor

three times a week,

until they die."

"I shall call this new breed of doctor...

A Chiropractor.

So, one person on Team A
is "THE BRACE"
 against the wall of the building
 (this was the crappy job, that no one wanted.)

The next idiot bends down,
tucks their head to the side &

holds onto THE BRACE for dear life.

Five more crowd-pleasing morons

repeat the process, tucking their heads
 in alternating directions,

until there is a "Pony"..

a six-foot long Pony.

Then, the first player from Team B

would get a good, running start...

from three blocks away.

That person would go

galloping toward the Pony

and like Greg Luganis
hitting the high board,

would launch their pre-teen body

 as close to the Pony's head
(THE BRACE)

as they possibly could.

The next moron would line up &

repeat the process

until the entire opposing team

was on board or

until the Pony collapsed

 under the weight of Team B

and required Life-Support.

How f'ing stupid were we?

My parents drilled my brain about

being a leader...not a follower &

what did I do??

"If all your friends created a horse out of

their bodies & then had the rest of

the neighborhood jump on top of them,

would you be a part of the horse, too???"

"And for God's sake,
at least be THE BRACE!!"

 That parable went

right out the f'ing window.

If only technology had been sped up,
we would have been inside,
frying our brains on video games

like nice, normal kids of today do.

I bet they won't need back surgery & 

be screaming in the night,

like their idiot
 pre-adolescent
 predecessors.

I think "THE BRACE" was a ringer

that Johnny's Dad brought in...

Jus' sayin...

            ~SusiThe                                      J~