SUBDURAL SUPERNOVA



When you peruse

SusiTheJ’s
"Bucket List"

(I thought  it was a good idea to start documenting this stuff, NOW),

you will see that I have had
 the privilege &
the good fortune to spend
 10 years or so

 in the company of an

ass-kicking-Not-For-Profit 

(rocking good news)

Comedy Troupe called,

"COMPANY PLAYERS."

We normally did two or

three shows per year,

 in addition to some road shows

that we schlepped
to other venues in the area…

for charity and um, no profit.

The week that a show opens

is normally referred to as


“Hell Week,”

because you normally

rehearse every night &

 this is the time for

MURPHY'S LAW

 to come & wreak its'
predictable havoc.

The actual night

before a show opens,

is normally referred to as

“Hell Night...”

In the very professional handling 

of our acting tasks,

this night is typically a
"breezy walk in the park"

 for the actors...


Just finalizing a few items &
 tightening things up, nicely.

We lovingly renamed it

“F-Around Night.”

 We were so tight on our lines &
 blocking & timing and just knew that 

The Tony 

was just waiting  to be placed

on the mantels in our homes…

We were that good!!!
(not)

…that we would clown around &
make funny ad-libs out of our dialogue.

These nights have
gone down in history

as some of the funniest shit

that has ever popped

out of my brain…

Well, for this particular show...

 we were, in ALL honesty,

 ALL so f’ing horrendous.

But everyone knows that
you only take a role in a
community theatre comedy troupe
for the thrill of ad-libbing on

“Hell Night...”

We sucked!

I think I was still “on book”,

the night before we opened!!!,

due to the interference of

MY PAYING,

COSMETICS-CAREER-DAY-JOB &

the actual work that they expected
to be pumped out for that paycheck...

but I still wanted to
get my schtick on &

 get the laugh.

Our beloved,
patient director,
 Joel...

was taking it & taking it & taking it.

He really did take it.

Then, like naughty,

 errant children,

he kept warning us.

“Ok, Sue….
that was very cute and very  funny,

but you still haven’t learned your lines…

…so whatcha say
we get back to work?”

He warned us,

multiple times...

if not thousands.

When we were still performing,

but not a lick of material resembling

the actual show,

his brain exploded &

 he lost his mind all over us.

“I’VE HAD IT!!!

I’VE TOLD YOU…YOU ALL SUCK!

AND YOU WILL SUCK EVEN MORE

 TOMORROW NIGHT,

WHEN THE CURTAIN GOES UP &

 YOU LOOK LIKE F’ING FOOLS
IN FRONT  OF AN AUDIENCE.

YOU SUCK,
YOU SUCK, YOU SUCK!!!!!!!!!!!

Twelve documented adults

 standing on a stage,

being verbally spanked

 by another adult.

We all had our heads

hung down in shame,

shuffling our feet &

feeling so guilty for getting him

to the point of a
subdural brain hemorrhage.

We thought his eye balls

were going to pop out of his head &

continue to burn into our vacuous souls

 from the wood floor of the stage…

That’s how deeply
he was enraged

&

screaming at us.

Now, count s-l-o-w-l-y to 6…

One Mississippi,

Two Mississi…

The one

UNDOCUMENTED adult,

Howard “Skip” Lundquist,

throws his right arm, hand, fist & fingers,

 out towards Joel,

 as if he’s about to break into

“Mammy”

and says,

“HAVE A CORONARY.

WE INVITE YOU

TO HAVE A CORONARY.”

The eleven of us contrite children

were stunned by Skip’s invitation to Joel.

It sat there, ringing in our ears

for a good 4 seconds or so before

Yours,Truly...

falls on the floor & rolls across the stage,

screaming-laughing,

with tears running down my face &

holding my sides in pain…

...like I had been kicked in the ribs

by a pack of Raging Rockettes,

wearing steel-tipped boots…

on both sides of my body.

This was 1989 &

I can’t tell you how many times

this line crosses my mind,

during multiple loads of laundry,

dishes & the like...

And I still lose it.

 I shared it with

Will & Doug...

my

 and they have laughed their butts off,

 since they were itty-bitty boys.

It is was a private, little-known-fact

that I secretly get my jollies from

the fact that they

BOTH went into Theatre.

 

William, our Lighting Designer...will tell me,

“You don’t know how many times,

during an asinine situation that 
I’m embroiled in, that the

CORONARY
INVITATION
LINE

 is on the tip of my tongue!!

I may not have given birth to them,

but I sure ruined them...

just as if they was my own…

You’re welcome boys…you’re welcome.

 "Ar feadh nóiméid amháin

Nach raibh tú ag fás

FAOI MO HEART,
 Ach   I  sé ... "

 

 ~SusiTheJ ~